I vent mainly to take the unnecessary crap out of my mind. Better here than to people cuz I’d be wasting people’s time if i told them. If someone decides to read this nonsense then that’s their choice haha. but yea. I’m holding myself back mainly out of fear. But I just really wanna not hold back haha. I just wanna be a hundred percent open about it. As my own self-psychologist, I’m sure that my fear deals with my past. The things that happened in my past negatively reinforce my present. I learned it in psychology. Positive reinforcements and negative reinforcements. stuff like that. I won’t be too specific about that stupid lesson, but yea. I’m more inclined to not do things again because of a negative reinforcement. I can care less about positive reinforcements because I don’t need a reward for me to do good. I do good for goodness sake. (no pun, no joke intended) But yea, I let all these negative reinforcements build up as my fear. Idk if anybody knows what my fear is but I really wouldn’t disclose that big fear here because it’s too “significant” but yea this fear thing bothers me. and me feeling bad bothers me. But I like to learn from things so that I won’t feel bad about the same thing or let the same thing happen again to make me feel bad again. that made no sense. in my brain it did. but yea. I learn from my mistakes. And I’m still learning from certain ones. Conquer the small things first before the big things. Quote good friend here lol. But yea. I’m just emptying my brain cuz I just finished cleaning the kitchen after my nanay and tatay’s cooking. They didn’t just finish cooking right now but yea they left it all overnight to clean the next morning but I didn’t want them to do go through all that work so yea I did it for them. Idk. Everything takes time. I need to take time to take action to make me feel better about myself. I just figured out the problem. I beat myself about stuff. I keep on thinking about it and it keeps bothering me and I just implode haha So I let myself get to myself. -_________- Problem found. Resolution in progress haha It’s all a damn process, really haha. Slowly but surely I’ll sort things out and manage everything accordingly. I just need to not rush myself, not beat myself up about such little shtuff, and yea work at my own pace, and do stuff when I’m ready. Positive. Positive. Positive. Positive. haha Thank God for blogging haha. Thank God for everything.