For someone to pay my bills just for one month! I would love you forever! money is not as valuable or as important to me(although I do worry about it once in awhile) but shit, giving me a chance to breathe and be like “oh shit, you paid my bills!” Yea that would be cool lol
At times I feel so hollow. Like there’s nothing inside me. Nothing to offer. I have no passion. I have no serious interests. I have no true hobbies. I like food. I like laughing. I like fooling around, acting a fool, just having safe fun. I’m not into drugs. Sure, mary j was good in the past but I never got into it like that. I’m into crossing some lines and not crossing others. I’m there to stay up all night and do absolutely nothing. I’m there for long drives and random walks. I’m there for silent talks and good whole-hearted conversations. I have heart for family, for those I love. But I have no heart for anything else, so it seems…I should go find it. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so hollow. I feel alive, but I feel like I could be so much more alive. I feel like I’m onto something, I just gotta keep going. Commitment was never a strong suit. And yea I go on tangents as I please. Maybe that’s why. Distracted too easily. Can you say SQUIRREL? lol But I need to pursue things to the end where I give it my all, not half-ass. I miss my friend. My dear friend. But I love our conversations and seeing his face whenever I can. I can’t wait for that video. Can you say epic hooplah of mother greatness? Can you say random nonsense that makes dollars at the same time at the same time? No that was not a double typo. Read it again. I need to take more chances. I remember I had six aspirations: doctor, restauranteur/chef, president of the United States of America, writer, theologian, and writer. Honestly, all still potential aspirations. My co-worker asked me what I wanted to be, and I still said, I want to be a lot of things. He said, “you’re still that little kid who wants to be everything.” I said, “why not? There’s nothing really stopping me but me.” He didn’t say anything but nodded respectfully, so I think. Cool guy that guy. But yea, I still want to be everything. But I just need to push myself to go be everything I want to be. Curse my laziness. But I pray that I don’t let my failures and shortcomings stop me cuz that always does get in my mind. I’m just like “why try? I’ve already done so little good and so much bad” But I should keep pushing. I’m gonna kick myself in the ass sooner than I think. Oh, life. Apparently, I needed to clear my mind haha. Thanks for reading. I don’t really know who reads this, but just the thought of someone actually taking their time to read all this gives me a slight confidence boost, which with my not-so-high self-esteem needs lol, or the fact that they are just bored lol either way I blog with both the intention of pure venting/writing and the little hope of validation. Everybody needs validation. Everybody just likes to feel good about themselves.
“Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”